Ryan Moore

So in government class today we had our final exam. At the end there was an essay question
to answer. It asked "Imagine you are the President of the United States and have to deal with public debt. Discuss your ideas about it and state what you would do to eliminate it."

Here, is my answer I wrote:

I am president of the United States. Yes the president does write in purple ink. Crazy huh? I think the huge public debt is ridiculous. It is over 9 Trillion dollars. I can’t even count that high. I doubt it will ever get paid back. But if it was possible, this is what I’d do.
I would raise taxes and make new ones. Remember, this is what I would do if I absolutely had to pay back our debt. People would get really pissed and would start having seditious speeches about how they are going to gather an army of very angry taxpayers and kill me. In which case I would dispatch a SWAT team to gather them up and put their criminal behinds in jail for life followed by a little bit of capital punishment for each one of them. That’ll teach em.
Anyways, I would raise taxes and invent new ones. I would tax companies such as Microsoft and Google. Reason? Because they are more loaded than Hilary Clinton’s speeches are with BULL CRAP. I would then find illegal drug cartels and sue them for everything they’ve got and then confiscate all their drugs. I would then do some research and find out that all the Brits are a bunch of stoners and I would secretly sell all the crack to the English people. You know it would sell well. Its ENGLAND.
If you have ever seen Ocean’s 11 you would know that it is a great movie with some lovely acting. If you haven’t seen it get your lazy arse into a movie store and rent the thing before I put you in prison for life for no apparent reason. I’m the president. Thats my job. The movie shows 11 people rob three casinos in Las Vegas: The Bellagio, the MGM Grand, and.. I forgot the last tone. YES! I know it is a federal offense not to know. But you forget. I’m the president and I just pardoned myself. Back off. You don’t realize how easy it is to get off the hook when you’re president. Remember Bill? Exactly. Anyways. Yes I would rob casinos.
With the theft, the drug dealing, and the taxing of every living creature and computer company, we should pay off our debt in approximately 75 years. Why so long you ask? Because in case you haven’t noticed 9 Trillion dollars is alot of money. Why is “Trillion” capitalized you ask? Because its such a big number it has earned the right to enter the Capitalization realm. Who’s in this realm you ask? God, the Internet, Google, Will Smith (well before he decided to join that Scientology cult, now we just put “will smith” down instead), Robin Hood, Captain Hook, Waffle, Captain Jack Sparrow, Carnivore. Yes. “Trillion” is in that realm with all of those other words. It is godly. If you don’t know how much a Trillion is get your sorry self back into a public school that us, the government (notice I didn’t capitalize that word), doesn’t support or care about as much as we should. Then ask your underpaid math teacher how much a Trillion is.
If you have any more questions you can call me at 1-800-GO-DIE-YOU-STUPID-COMPLAINING-US-CITIZEN or email me at PRESIDENT@FAKE-EMAILS.COM.

THANK YOU.